Category Archives: Life Lessons

We Are Not Broken

Life Lessons, Love, Psychology, Relationships

The words we choose matter.

When we say that we broke up with someone, we create a picture in our mind.  We visualize a negative scenario. We visualize something shattered. Something damaged. Something that needs to be repaired and may never be the way it once was.

That is an awful description of how a relationship came to be different from what it once was.  After all, a broken arm or leg may leave a scar. A broken vase or dish can be glued back together, but the defect remains visible.  While “broken” may be an appropriate way to describe the conclusion of an abusive relationship, it is not necessarily a helpful description of the conclusion of a healthy one.

What if we reserve the idea of “breaking up” for relationships that truly leave someone broken, and use the word “end” to describe the conclusion of a healthy relationship?

The word end is used in ways that tend to create a more positive scenario. When we read a book or watch a movie, we say it ended. We have reached our goal (finished the book); we have come to the successful completion of something we started. Seasons end too. The end of a season, however, is always connected to the start of a new one. The word end helps us to focus on change. It allows us to think of the past — about our accomplishments, what we have learned, and what we have enjoyed. It also opens the door to the future and what we hope will happen next.

Perhaps if we begin to say that a relationship ended, rather than that we broke up, we will begin to think differently about what the relationship gave us. What did we learn about ourselves?  What did we learn about what we want and need from another person?  What did the other person add to our life?  Did we learn to enjoy something we had never tried before?  What will we miss most?

That last question may be one of the most important because what we miss can tell us something about what we want to carry into our future. If the person added playfulness, perhaps we need to seek that characteristic in our future relationships. If we miss an activity we discovered together, perhaps we can find a way to make it part of our life again.

The end of a relationship does not have to erase what was good about it.  Healthy relationships can end without leaving us broken. They teach us that relationships, like books, movies and seasons, can come to an end. We might feel hurt, sadness, disappointment, or confusion. These emotions tell us that we need to allow ourselves a moment to reflect, to acknowledge the pain we feel and to work through the fact that what we hoped for will no longer come to be.

We are in pain but we are not shattered. We do not need to be put back together.

What we do need is time to reflect, to decide what was good in the relationship, and to acknowledge what wasn’t. What did we learn? How will we use those experiences and knowledge in our future?

An ending doesn’t mean the relationship had no meaning. An ending means we have reached the conclusion of one story. It also means that we can now begin a new story, embrace some new characters, and see where the next chapter takes us.

Two good people can move in opposite directions without breaking each other.

Based on We Broke Up, But We Are Not Broken published on Medium, Oct. 2026

The Hidden Psychology in Owl Babies

Anxiety, Books/Reading, Change, Education, Emotions, Life Lessons, Parenting, Psychology, Relationships, Siblings

Owl Babies, written by Martin Waddell, is a wonderful book about separation anxiety. I hope you enjoy finding all the secrets within!

Graduation Questions that Promote Achievement or Uncertainty.

Communication, Graduation, Life Lessons, Psychology, Relationships, Uncategorized

Graduations — whether from preschool or graduate school — represent milestones in our lives. Regardless of the age involved or the years taken to achieve the milestone, academic, social, and emotional lessons were learned. Graduation is an opportunity to reflect on all that happened along the way.

As Maslow would put it, graduation is a moment of self-actualization, an example of reaching. It is a moment of fulfilling a goal. It is a moment of achieving what one set out to do. Graduation parties are meant to be the celebration of the milestone achieved and an opportunity to reflect upon one’s moment of self-actualization.

When the guests arrive to graduation parties, they bring gifts — and questions. Unfortunately, the questions are often about the future: Where will you be going to school? What will you major in? What will you do with a degree in that!? Do you have a job yet?

These “what’s next” questions cause the graduate to shift from reflecting on his/her accomplishments to addressing the uncertainty of the future. Rather than feeling celebrated, they feel interrogated.

While questions about the future are important and serve a purpose, they can only be answered after a period of reflection. The graduate needs time to process their experiences. Processing the past and considering how their experiences led to who they are at this moment in time, opens the door to asking themselves who they want to become.

So, let’s consider some celebration questions to bring to the next graduation party:

● What was one of the best experiences you had in school? Imagine what door that opens for the graduate. What will he/she/they decide to share? An athletic accomplishment? A project completed? A social, emotional, academic experience, or some combination of all three?

● Who had the greatest impact on you while you were there? Was it a teacher? A friend? A family member? This question opens up a conversation about what traits they value and who they want to be like.

● What are you most proud of? This question clearly allows them to reflect on their own accomplishments — in any area.

Open-ended reflection questions like these allow the past/present/and future to merge. We cannot think about past “best experiences” without wondering what kind of experiences we are hoping to have next. We cannot think about people who had an impact on us without thinking about how we want to impact others. We cannot think about what makes us proud without thinking about what that means about what we want to do next.

In other words, these questions allow graduates to reflect upon their experiences and, in doing so, confidently face their future.