I have spoken at many PTA meetings and it is always my routine to get there early so I can connect with the audience before the talk begins.  I often get to listen in on the executive committee meetings that precede these talks.  On one particular occasion, the committee was discussing purchasing planners for the elementary school children and they were emphasizing that the planners needed to have an area for daily, weekly, and monthly goals so the children could learn to work toward long-term career goals.

I remember thinking “why?”  Why must 5 year olds learn to document the steps they must take to reach a goal? I mean, I do understand that they must learn to make a commitment, to learn follow-through, and to keep a promise.  But, they must also learn that it is important to learn to zig-zag a little, to find a new way to a goal or to find a new goal all together.  In essence, it is important to learn it’s okay to change direction – in our goals, in our relationships, and in our careers.

There is ample evidence that people are somewhat programmed to “stay the path”.  Gestalt psychologists demonstrated the principle of continuity.  In terms of vision, it refers to the tendency to perceive an object based on the least number of changes in direction.  For example, it is easier to see “X” as two intersecting lines than to see it as two “Vs”, one on top of the other (four changes in direction) or four open-ended triangles.  All of those are possible, but two lines – the fewest possible changes in direction – are the easiest to see. 

As a principle of social psychology, continuity refers to not changing your mind about something or someone.  In general, it takes us about 20 seconds to form an opinion of someone; after that, we tend to seek evidence that confirms our initial opinion.  We can change our minds, of course, but it takes a considerable amount of disconfirming evidence for us to do so. 

If our first impression is that someone is nice, and then they do something hurtful, we tend to make an excuse for their behavior.  We will say, “everyone messes up sometimes,” or “I’m sure they didn’t mean it.”  If, however, our first impression is that someone is not a good person and they do something nice, we will often look at that act as a manipulation of some kind.  We will say things like, “I’m sure they had an ulterior motive for doing that.”

Continuity, as one can see from these examples, can impact our relationships.  We might stay in a relationship too long because we cannot change our mind; we cannot accept the disconfirming evidence coming our way.  We might continue to treat our children as, well, children, rather than as the adults they have become.  We might treat our parents as self-sufficient when they have, in fact, become frail with age.  We might miss opportunities to allow our relationship to grow because we do not see the changes that our significant other is experiencing.  Our experiences (school, work, travel, people we meet) change us every day; unfortunately, continuity can blind us to seeing those changes in ourselves or in others. 

Continuity might also prevent us from changing our career path.  Which brings us back to that PTA meeting.  Some of the adults were very concerned that children learn to set realistic goals.  They did not want them to pursue goals such as becoming a princess or a Ninja Turtle or a singer or a ballerina.  The adults, of course, were looking at the job market.  I hear those same arguments on the larger societal level where colleges are considering dropping majors in history, philosophy, and many social sciences because the job market in those areas are not as robust as in STEM programs. 

While this is true, it is also true that many great accomplishments come from the passionate person who pursues a dream, regardless of the odds against achieving it.  Sometimes it is the zig-zag of life that allows disparate experiences to gel into a unique niche within a career.  Perhaps the child who wants to be a princess becomes a leader in industry.  Perhaps the Ninja Turtle becomes a Marine or a law enforcement person, or a firefighter.  Perhaps the singer becomes a mathematician who works with the fractions that were once musical notes.  Perhaps it is the switching between and among dreams that lets us find the one that will bring meaning to our lives.

So many students in my classes tell me that they cannot change their career plans.  They have invested too much money and time into the goal.  They are already unhappy with the choice, but they continue in the pursuit.  I hear couples in a relationship saying they are already 30 so starting over with someone else is not possible.  I hear older people saying they have lived somewhere “forever” and that if they move, they will become disoriented.  I hear young children say they will “never” be good in school. 

What seems true to me is that whenever you feel like you are walking in quicksand, when each step you take requires more energy than you have, that is when it is time to consider changing direction.  It is time to consider that the other path might be the “right” one for you, the one that allows you to step lightly and feel enthusiasm.  It is not a sign of failure to change direction; it is sign that you are open-minded enough to consider all of the evidence (confirming and disconfirming) and brave enough to begin anew.