Every psychological theory deals with our search for pleasure, our quest to satisfy the urges that society tries to keep in check. There are so many times in life when an opportunity arises that allows us to do something that we know is not quite right. When those circumstances arise, we are forced to confront our own morality; we either choose to “stay the course” or we create a series of justifications that allow us to do the very thing we “know” is not right.
As children, these choices are fairly innocuous. They might involve taking a cookie before dinner. Sometimes children follow the rules. Sometimes they justify – “It was only one cookie,” or “I was really hungry and I promise I will eat dinner anyway,” or “You are so mean!” Another choice a child might confront is staying up reading a book under the covers even though it’s time for lights out. Again, one might follow the rule. One might create justifications – “I was at a really good part and I had to finish it,” or “I’m not tired anyway!” These seem innocent, but really, it’s a difficult moral dilemma for a child: do I follow the rule or do what I want?
As we get older, the internal conflict is the same. We apply the age appropriate cognitive and emotional strategies we have to the problem and settle on our solution to it. What changes, however, is the level of risk associated with the choice we make. The risk involves how the choice impacts our sense of self – the way we think about ourselves. It also involves the consequences that society may impose on us if we are caught breaking the rule.
Let’s explore the idea of “because you can” a bit more. There are many activities that represent a minimal risk for getting caught. For example, people drive over the speed limit all the time; they rarely think they are doing anything wrong and are often angry when caught and given a speeding ticket. After all, why can cars go 100 mph if we are supposed to drive 25mph on a city street? It is not until someone is seriously injured that society reminds us that this speed rule exists for a reason – to keep others and us as safe as possible. So, just because we can speed doesn’t mean we should speed.
People who work in offices often take home office supplies. Sometimes this is accidental and sometimes it is intentional. Taking home a few pens/pencils, paperclips or whatever is justified by “I work long hours and I don’t get paid enough” or “It’s just a stapler, it doesn’t cost the company anything,” or “everyone does it.” The justifications tell us that we know it is wrong – we know we should not – but we are going to do it anyway because we can.
An older child might face a choice regarding whether or not to cheat on an exam; an adult might face a choice regarding whether or not to cheat on their partner. The justifications created are often quite similar: “I had to cheat because (everyone else cheats, the situation was unfair, no one understands me and the stress I’m under). The choice to cheat can impact the sense of self in changing the way we think about ourselves (honest/dishonest or smart/less smart). The consequences if caught by society can be similar as well – some type of ostracism (detention/expulsion; separation/divorce).
All of these scenarios are examples of moral dilemmas that challenge us to consider whether we should or should not do something and each decision could affect our sense of self.
A quick rule of thumb for evaluating how we will feel after a decision is the number of justifications we need to create. The more justifications created, the more uncomfortable we are with our potential decision. Some justifications are Freudian in nature; we justify our Id impulses by determining that our pleasure is more important than someone else’s or that it is acceptable to gain our pleasure at the expense of another’s pain. Some justifications are cognitive and are based on our irrational thinking that “everyone” is doing it or would do it or that we are the “only one” not engaging in this behavior. Some justifications are behaviorist in nature; the reward is the only consideration. If we can get the reward while avoiding the punishment then we will do the action. Finally, some justifications are humanist in nature. A humanist justification is best understood by rephrasing the “should” to a want or need. If one says I should cheat on my significant other, the justifications flow more easily than if one says I want/need to cheat on my significant other. The word choice helps clarify not only the problem, but the motivation and emotion behind it.
The long and short of it: it is not always easy to look ourselves in the mirror after we choose to do something simply because we could. So, don’t do something because you can, do it because it’s right for you.
This is so true, I love it. This is also very interesting because today I read something that is related to this. Btw I miss your class!!!!
Attitude
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes”
– Charles Swindoll
“So, don’t do something because you can, do it because it’s right for you.”
So, are there any moral absolutes? Or, is the final arbiter if “it’s right for you”?
The longer I live, the longer I practice psychology, the more I see the difficult choices people face and the less I see absolutes. As I said in the blog, “every psychological theory deals with our search for pleasure, our quest to satisfy the urges that society tries to keep in check”. The goal was to help us develop psychological strategies that help us to stay the course. The absolutes (murder, for example) are determined by society and when the absolutes are challenged or broken, the legal system enters the picture. Judges are an integral and important part of that system; that is where judges and judgment serves a purpose.
What more can I say, another report on people who should or need to use common sence. A blog well said Dr. Urban.
I always thought that even though you shouldn’t doing it but everybody doing it . I always say to myself remember who you are, don’t follow or please other people. Then I will think if I really want to do something (which I shouldn’t) I ask myself.. am I brave enough to face the consequences, how about the people I might get hurt, or is it worth it?
sometimes I think to much but no matter what is the result either good or bad I will face it
This brings me back to the Id, the ego, and the super ego where just because it’s something such as staying up later while knowing full well it’ll make you miserable in the morning. We all practice what should be done, and only sometimes do we think about these consequences when the severity isn’t as intense. I think those are the things that lead us to making terrible mistakes.
Example: We don’t always use blinkers when we’re alone on the street. We don’t always signal when we’re trying to make quick decisions on the street because we’re good enough to remember how to properly do it when we’re alone and we can make it like we did last time.
& We get into an accident.
Really enjoyed reading this because i feel like this generation keeps growing and its being influence to follow one another just because it’s the new norm. Instead of taking charge of your own life and making your own decisions it’s becoming more easy to just do things because others are doing it. This is where id come ego and superego come in psychology. We need to remember we are individuals, we can make our own mistakes make our own decisions by knowing what the consequences are, so long as it’s right for you.
Another clear example will be when we turned 21. We think that we are grown adults and do wherever we want. For instance the most common mistake we make is start drinking, because we can, and our friends do it. We usually do it because of fun or curiosity to see how it feels to be drunk. Even though we know is bad for our health. Especially if we do not know how to control ourselves we can become addicted to drink alcohol. Society sometimes influence us to do things that might affect us negatively. That is why is important to make wise decisions and always do the right thing.
When turn of age to do things. We tend to make it a priority ; such as drinking because were 21 and legally we can buy alcohol. We tend to go over board with it because well we can legally. Just because we can do it doesn’t mean we should because in the long run it will damage our bodies leaving most helpless. Social media and also society plays a big role in how we manage our daily lifestyle.
“Because I can”. A phrase that immediately brings light to my face and the smirk saying, “Not only CAN I do something…it’s already done.” My teenage years into my early 20’s were wild. I can only remember parts of certain years and honestly I couldn’t tell you if the memory loss was because they had enough psych meds in me to take down an elephant, or if it was just from some form of extra curricular activity I was taking part in at the time. During those years I had crazy experiences; I traveled on a whim whenever, decided to get involved with and marry a Florida inmate, had no regard what so ever to the law and you couldn’t stop me. And if anyone had the audacity to ask why I was acting this way, I would simply give the same smirk and the same answer. “Because I can.” (With maybe a few choice words thrown in there too.) Well now I’m getting older. Late twenties to be exact. And I see these young adults at this school having the same attitude towards life that I had for all that time. It is interesting how life works. Looking at the past is always 20/20. If I had to really think about why that was my life motto for so long it is actually pretty clear. I lived in such a strict home growing up, and for most of my teens and early twenties I spent a good amount of years on a locked ward. I didn’t need a reason why I shouldn’t do it. I just knew that there was no one to tell me no and that is what drove me. Finally I had the freedom to choose and I was going to choose fun. Now that I am stable and realize just because I can do something, in no way means I have to or even will. I have my life actually going in the right direction, thinking back to all of those decisions that came from the “because I can” mindset, I can realize how I had blinded myself to many of the consequences. Including arrests, being homeless for a little bit and not finishing my education. All of that could have been avoided if I learned that “can” doesn’t always mean should. Those consequences are the exact things I want to explain to the younger people at this school. I always want to join the conversation and make the students think about their choices differently, but I just can’t. I would honestly feel like the biggest hypocrite. After everything I experienced and all of the people I met along the way, I have realized that every once in a while everyone needs a little “because I can” treat. Although some do tend to indulge themselves. But no matter what, I feel everyone has to figure to out how to balance their own “cans” and “can’ts” if they have any hope of making it through to the other side. Trust me, I speak from experience.
This title jumped out at me because it was recently the opening line of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. The episode centered around an advance in medical technology that would help save the lives of premature babies by putting them into a bag that mimics the mother’s womb where they would be able to fully develop. Baby lambs were used as the test subjects since the technology was still only in the testing stages. Later in the episode, conflict arose when a pregnant woman who suffered from an accident required an emergency hysterectomy, putting her very premature baby in grave danger. The doctors decided not to use the technology to attempt to save the baby’s life although the mother asked them to because, “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”
Let me explain why I am tying this episode into my response:
I consider myself a humanitarian and as a future nurse and a mother, I felt a bit conflicted by this episode. If the decision was up to me – would I have done something deemed unethical in my field in order to attempt to do something great, as in save the baby’s life? It’s an issue that comes up often in the medical field because where does the line get drawn that separates using medicine to prolong or improve the quality of life and playing God? (At this point I began to question my morals, my entire belief system and my career path.)
We’re animals. We have urges that we at times struggle to have control over – I think any Freudian would agree with that statement. But if the world operated on just allowing everyone to act on their urges and be driven by their ID, where would we be as a society? So, we have rules to keep us in check, to tell us what is “right” and “wrong.”
I do not believe in there being one, made up, universal standard on what is considered okay. I have personally always felt that there is no one right or wrong, which is why I’ve struggled with the rules of organized religion. I think that the right answer depends on the individual and the situation – what can be right for you in one point in life can be wrong at another. The material covered in this class has taught me that I have a Humanistic Perspective. This post has helped me learn how to make difficult decisions and to evaluate my my justifications by simply changing one world – “The word choice helps clarify not only the problem, but the motivation and emotion behind it.”
So I can now answer my question: If I were to be faced with needing to make that medical decision, I would WANT to help the mother save her unborn baby because I can empathize with her since I am a mother. My motivation for that is based off pure emotion. Logically, I NEED to obey medical ethics.
Thank you for writing this and helping me to further understand myself!