Gratitude – it is not just for a season, or for a day; it is necessary for a lifetime of happiness.
At least, that is how I feel about it.
It is not always easy to find a reason to be grateful. Our lives are often filled with problems, frustrations, disappointments, and worries. These can often cause us to overlook the many opportunities we have for gratefulness. Typically, when I ask someone what they have to be grateful for, they recite the “usual” list – family, friends, health, a job. We list these things almost reflexively. But really, family, friends, and our jobs can be the main sources of the problems that get in the way of gratefulness. So for us to be grateful for them, we have to dig a bit deeper into why they made our lists.
In other words, when we practice gratefulness, we have to be more descriptive. The reason someone or something is on our list, once described, becomes a true reason for happiness. The description also provides us with (1) an opportunity to practice making lemonade from the lemons and (2) a reminder that some things are just sweet in and of themselves.
Some examples:
- I am grateful for family…But, Aunt ____ can be so difficult; she criticizes everything. When I think about it more, though, I’m glad she taught me to think before I speak – and I’m glad she taught me that sometimes it is important to speak one’s mind. (Lemonade from lemon).
- My parents are elderly but healthy and able to live on their own. (Sweet in and of itself).
- I am grateful for my friends – people who have chosen to include me in their lives (although sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the “demands” of friendship). When I think about it more, my friends have taught me that I can say I am overwhelmed and can’t do something and still be loved. They have taught me that it is important to ask how the other person is before launching into my own stuff. (Sweet in and of itself with a touch of lemonade from lemon).
- I am grateful that I have a job; so many people are out of work. But, I really don’t like my job; in fact, I hate going to work there. When I think about it more, though, I am grateful for what the pay allows me to do (pay rent, purchase food, clothes). I am grateful that I can look for other work while I have an income. I am grateful that I do not define my worth by my job, but by the value I have to my family and friends. (Lemonade from lemon).
Once we’ve identified what we’re grateful for and why, it’s important to convey that gratitude. I realize that gratitude journals are trendy right now and rightfully so because they help us be mindful of our responsibility for choosing happiness. I also recognize that they can seem campy or even like homework or a chore. But they are not – and they can take so many creative forms.
My family’s first “gratitude journal” was a turkey we drew on poster board and hung up for Thanksgiving. We then tore little pieces of construction paper, wrote things we were grateful for on those small pieces of paper (including the year), and glued them on the turkey as feathers. Every year the turkeys (yes, multiples) come out and we add to the feathers – and re-read the “old” items. The feathers reflect our age, what was happening in our individual lives, our family, and the wider world. They represent the simple (“my socks,” “bunnies on the lawn,”) to the complex (“that our friend came home from the war,” “that my children have found loves of their own”).
Other “gratitude journals” took the form of photo albums that celebrated the lives of relatives who achieved the ages of 90 and 100. Others took the form of cards with words written by others, but conveying thoughts that might have gone unsaid without the help of Hallmark’s writers. Others were notes in a lunchbox, notes under a pillow, or words spoken through a phone call or text.
The point is whenever we express gratitude, we enrich our own happiness as well as the happiness of others. Once that is experienced, expressing gratitude is never a chore – it becomes one more thing for which we are grateful.
I love the way you write. You open people’s eyes and mind the way you explain everything.
I am grateful I am surviving the school work, that I find a wonderful friend, and most of all that I am here in this country.
My first thanks giving happen this year, the food is awesome I love the turkey and everything that serve. Also, I love that me, my family, and friends are all together. But, when they start telling their gratefulness to others I felt uncomfortable and awkward. We don’t have thanksgiving in my country so most of the time I stay quite or just say “yes”,” that’s true”, “thank you”. What we do is we say our yearly gratefulness through prayer in New Year’s Eve, everyone can take turns in saying what they are grateful for. Now I live here I have to adjust with your custom which I don’t mind because I love your thanks giving. Lastly, I love your gratitude journals can I borrow or copy your gratitude journals in the future? ^.^
I am grateful for my family , especially my mother. She built me into the strong young women that I am today. Guiding Me into the right pathways of life. She molded me and taught me to never give up on the things that i really want out of life. Im also thankful for my step father because he gives me reassurance that things will be okay & making sure that i know i worth it and and every trial and tribulation that I go through will make me a better person tomorrow.
I would like to share some of the things that I am grateful for. When this time of the year comes, everybody starts sharing their thoughts about what they are grateful for. It is a wonderful opportunity to share how we feel and show love to our relatives, but we really have to say it from the bottom of our heart.
I am grateful for my family that is been always there for me. Part of my childhood I grew up with my mom and my dad. They immigrated when I was little. I barely remember growing up with them. I know that they left me and my siblings because they wanted a better life for us and I am thankful for that. In my teenage years I grew up with my grandmother (+) and my aunt. I am also thankful for that because they always wanted the best for me and become a better man. Thanks to them and other members of the family I was able to continue my education in my country. They were always motivating me to do my best and behave with good manners.
After I moved to this country I had to learn to leave on my own. I have met people in this country that I am also thankful for. Even though I do not talk to them anymore, but I always have them in my mind for the good things that they had done for me. I do not have so many friends, but for the few I have, I am more than happy to be part of their lives. I am also thankful for my job. I would consider it one of my dream jobs for now. I always wanted to be able to work and go to school. Besides that, I enjoy doing it. I am able to pay my rent, school, support myself and my family.
I am grateful for all my teachers in my life time, for the knowledge that they share and persuade me to become a wise person.
We should all take the time to be thankful for everything. It is always good to live a happy and peaceful life. Everyday is a good day to be grateful for.
Choosing happiness
I love this blog, especially for the holidays, like the Christmas songs says, the holidays could be the most wonderful time of the year if you have the usual subjects, family, friends and health. It could also be the most melancholic time of the year, if you are far away from home in a new country feeling lonely. Or it could be both because you have people who love you dearly, yet going through the loss of a close family member.
If we choose to, we all have something to be grateful for and something to be sorrowful about. Like professor Urban mentioned on her blog, it could feel like a chore to look at the glass half full, especially if you have a lifetime of practice looking at the glass half empty. I would like to add that there is nothing wrong to acknowledge the glass is half empty, as long as you are willing to fill the empty glass with happiness or positive thoughts.
Do you remember when you drove to your current job for the first time? It probably took you longer than it should have because you didn’t know the way. Probably you used a GPS several times before learning the route, and now you probably drive instinctively to work. Choosing to be grateful has the same concept, you might need help getting there by writing your happy thoughts, then you will think them without writing them, and before you know it they will become second nature.
Most things in life don’t come easy, happiness is no different. With that said, happiness is a practice worth practicing because being grateful will rescue you to be the best version of yourself and allow you to savor every moment of life.
Karen
I loved this post because gratitude is usually the first thing to go when I’m having a hard time. And let me just say that lately I have not been feeling grateful at all. For the last six or seven years I had been a full time care taker to my grandfather. He was my best friend. We lived together, we laughed constantly and then out of nowhere he started declining. I was not mad. If i was 100 years old with all my siblings having passed before me I think I would be ready to go as well. After giving the eulogy it was finally time for me to say goodbye. This past year has been quite tumultuous. I have been very angry for a very long time. But this post really hit a nerve. I need to stop being mad at the world and learn to be grateful. I realized how grateful I am for all of those years it was just him and I sitting in the den watching re-runs of NCIS. I realized how grateful I am to have learned everything I did from him. Including the motto, “If you got it, spend it, because you can’t take it with you”. That may or may not have helped me throughout the years haha. But he was a wonderful man and I am so grate for all of the lessons, all of those years we lived as roommates and of course I am most grateful because he is the one who made it possible for me to attend college today.
I feel that everyone can use a little bit of gratitude every day. Growing up in a old school Puerto Rican household, that’s not something that comes by very easily. Now that I have a family of my own, I’m trying to change that. I started something similar to what you have going on with your thanksgiving turkeys. I started a gratitude jar. Whenever we have a good day we write about it, and at the end of the year we read it so we can be thankful for all of that we have. It’s only February so there’s only a few pieces of paper in it, but I can see that’s its starting to fill up. It’s nice to have a reminder that no matter how rough things get there’s always something pleasant around the corner.
I liked this article because it reminds us to be grateful of life. As it states in the article sometimes we say that we are grateful for our family and then few minutes later we are complaining about something so small and not worth of stressing over it. Life is full of bad and good unpredictable life events but we can never forget to be grateful, perhaps what we thought was bad in the beginning isn’t that bad after all, for example, about 14 years ago, I was in a serious relationship which ended badly, not sure how to recover or deal with the break up I became depressed, but little did I know that God had other plans for me, and for that I am grateful forever. I am also grateful for having a job and to be able to provide to my sick mother, I recently visited her and seeing her smile and being able to take her to places is priceless. I am very very grateful for everything i have accomplished so far. Also, I am extremely grateful for a lovely husband and partner in crime.
This was a great article it showed me as a person to become grateful person for my family and friends and I know my friends and family are hard head it sometimes but at the of the day they would always be there for me no matter and I am grateful for that because I love them.
Reflection (Lifestyle) : This blog is very insightful and I can definitely relate with it. I agree with you when you say, “it is not always easy to find a reason to be grateful” especially when life has beat us to the ground on several occasions. I am grateful for my mom and the tough love I experienced living with her. She did not just teach me how to make it in life but also to know how to handle setbacks, disappointments and failures because I was bound to face one of the three. Growing up, my family showed gratitude to my grandparents by putting our palm prints on T-shirts which they still wear. Many people did not understand the significance of the palm prints but I did. It was a sign of agreement and unity. A sign that our love for them out ways the number of times we wished we did not belong to that family and for that I am forever grateful. Moving to America was very challenging because my whole family was in Ghana but it is the little moments and fights we shared that keeps me going and I am grateful to you for pointing it out to the world that being grateful for something or someone is far beyond our shallow thoughts and reasons.
I had to share these comments from a student – they are incredibly insightful and helpful:
“Reading this article about gratitude, I could not help but remember my own experience with gratitude. Like many other people when asked what I was grateful for I also had the same basic list mention in the article family, friend, and a job. Truth is deep inside I did not know what gratitude truly meant. When I was younger momma always said, “There are many people out there doing a lot worse than us, and you should be grateful for what you have”. Of course when she said that my mind thought of all the things we did not have. Being young and inexperienced in life I saw many others that had much more than us. Thankfully, life is full of lessons learned and these past few years have taught me the meaning of gratitude. Therapy and a recovery program taught me the meaning through daily gratitude exercises and service work taught me how to practice an “attitude of gratitude” as they say.
Through therapy, I learned many gratitude exercises. There were two that stock with me and that I still practice today. First, was to practice saying aloud three things I was grateful for first thing in the morning. At first, this was difficult and many days I forgot to do the exercise, but the practice became part of my habitual morning rituals. Second, I was to write every night three things that I was grateful for on that day. Again, a task that I did not enjoy doing, but the therapist said to stop over thinking it and keep it simple. Some of the things I came to be grateful for were as simple as having air to breathe, a conversation with my mother or the sun shining. Once I started to simplify things, it almost came naturally. Doing these small exercises morning and night brought me a sense of relief that I had not ever felt.
In recovery, they have many phrases they call slogans. One, in particular, taught me how to have an “attitude of gratitude” was “out of self and into other”. This slogan “Out of self and into others” means to be of service to people inside and outside of the group. One way to be of service is to volunteer time and participate in activities of the recovery group. Some task is as simple as to be early and help set up or stay late and help clean up for a meeting. Something about keeping the focus on helping others helped me change my perspective of what really mattered. Suddenly I found myself appreciating little things like a conversation with a friend, being someone’s shoulder to cry on or giving a hug to someone that seemed to be going through a difficult time. Doing these small tasks gave me a sense of purpose that made me feel happiness, joyful and free.
Practicing an “attitude of gratitude” can help change a person’s way of thinking, feeling, and even their whole life. I am blessed to have an amazing network that has helped me learn what gratitude is and how to practice it. Though the exercises and the service can be exhausting at times, there is a peace to be found in the appreciation for the simple and complicated things in life. Truthfully, the world is not all rainbows, but practicing appreciation and thankfulness towards others and ourselves together, we can make the world be a better place for all”.
Gratitude is something we as human beings genuinely have to accept despite the way it comes to us. We always dilute our gratitude whether were giving it or receiving it. Personally I appreciate the little things as far as being grateful goes because my grandmother has always taught me “is better to do things from love than outta of love”. being grateful to me is one of the most golden things there is in order to build a strong moral compass. So why not just accept it and go seek our good “karma” for it.
Thanks to everyone who replied on the subject of “Gratitude, and being Grateful”. It seems to me that if we removed the names, a lot us would have problems picking our own reply, and that makes me very grateful that I’m only human and not the bearer of the world. Gratitude brings a welcoming sigh of relief for me, especially when like some of you, I look outside of myself and make the determination that I’m lacking based on what others have, not knowing how they came to have it, whether by hook or crook, they have it though, or is it really theirs or the bankcard companies, ahhh? For me, gratitude is the cleaning solution that removes all the toxic worries I have throughout the day.
I remember doing gratitude trees at thanksgiving with my family usually with the words “my dog” or “mom” or “food” written in scribbly writing. Recently I was having a conversation with my boyfriend about gratitude, he had said to me that he feels like he doesn’t always appreciate the things around him and takes things for granted, I responded by asking him what he is grateful for and to practice gratitude. this is something I have recently started myself, at the end of the day saying to myself “even though it was a rough day at work, I’m thankful that I’m in a position that I can get to work, do my job and get paid for my work there”. I had looked at him and said “for instance, I see you often and you pay for things almost all the time, however it does not go unnoticed, I’m grateful that you wish to take care of me and give me everything I could every need or want even if sometimes your communication is not ideal, I know that is how you display your love, so I’m grateful for that”.