While social distancing has provided us with numerous reasons to be anxious, it’s also giving many of us much more time with our family and friends. Whether we are connecting with them via phone, text, or physically spending all day with them, we are all looking for things to talk about (besides the elephant in the room, that is). Many of us have blown the dust off our board games, started puzzles, or reached in the corners of our play cabinets for arts and crafts supplies. But, I have an activity that only requires pen and paper and will not only prove to be fun, but help us strengthen the connections we are so desperately missing.
I like to call this activity Memory Lane. I developed it some time ago to help my students understand memory processes better. Even though it’s technically a “school” activity, it’s one my students always enjoyed and is fun for the whole family! It gives us all a chance not only to share memories, but to connect with each other and learn new perspectives.
Here are the directions:
- Create a visual map or diagram that depicts the path you take in recalling a specific memory. Make sure it is a memory you think you share with someone else. It must be written out.
For example, when I think about my daughter’s first day of kindergarten, I start with a picture of her at age 5 in my mind. Then I add my husband who was there too, and then the other children at the bus stop. From there, I remember how the bus was late, feeling very upset, leaving to go teach my first class of the semester, and then to her waving goodbye to me. Suddenly, I see her leaving for college. Then I see her first day as a teacher.
- Next, go to the other person who shares this memory with you. Ask them, “What do you remember about this event?” Either ask them to write out their path for that memory or you do it as they tell you what they remember (Make sure you do not interrupt them while they recalling the event).
- Finally, share your memory with them. You might be surprised how different your memories are.
For example, when I asked my husband what he remembered about our daughter’s first day of kindergarten, he responded “She was excited about wearing a dress with pockets. After you left, we sat in beach chairs waiting for the bus; it was so late! She had such a big smile when she sat by the window and waved goodbye. Hard to believe she is grown now and that was so long ago. She is teaching now. Doesn’t seem possible.”
Ultimately, the goal is for the two (or more of you) to talk about the similarities and differences in your memories. How similar/different were they? What do you think accounts for the similarities/differences?
Most students feel this exercise makes the memory more whole; they learn that an event can be special to people, but that what makes it special can be very different.
At this moment in time, we are all concerned about loss; this is a wonderful way to focus on what will always bind us to our friends and family – love, concern, and memories.
This post is awesome and helpful!! Stay healthy and safe!
After reading your post, I surely want to try this activity! That sounds very interesting and I have never heard of this before. People all perceive life differently which is why we are all unique. God has blessed us in this way! If we were all the same life would be shallow and short. Whenever I go somewhere with my family I have a good memory or bad memory. It is very true that we can not all feel the same at the same time. For instance, I may be in a bad mood when my sister is in a good mood. Therefore, we develop different memories from similar experiences. Today I perceive the world as light, a gift from God, and quiet. But not everyone may perceive the world this way! When I try and recall memories sometimes I can forget.
There is another reason why I like this game. When one forgets a memory, one can recall it by another who does remember. This way we can enjoy and reflect upon times we lived upon. This game surely could establish a sense of forgiveness if. one has hurt another in the past. By making it a game one could feel to forgive and simply move on. God has blessed us with times like these for a reason. Now is the time to reconnect and rekindle our relationships with one another. Surely with every hardship comes a blessing in disguise!
Yolanda shared a wonderful memory ” Thanks for suggesting a great and fun activity to do. I actually did a memory lane scenario with my nephew yesterday when he called to check on me. I mentioned the ride in the car, the conversation, the music that he asked about and how shocked he was when I named the song that no one else (younger) in the car remembered. He said he didn’t remember any of it at all! He laughed about the whole story and I’m sure thinks I made it all up! Anyway, it was still a lot of fun hearing him laugh even if I was the only one remembering the story!!😁
Stay well and thanks for letting me share this memory!”
I remember when my best friend from High School ( friends until this day) was pregnant with her first child. We were at a follow up appointment for her a week or so before she was due. She remembers the obgyn doctor telling her she needed to go into the hospital be induced due to her pressure being high. She only remembered certain parts. However she had forgotten I was with her at that appointment and the hospital when she had to check herself in. Once I brought it up she had finally remembered and was surprised to know I remembered this so. We both laughed.
A student tried this and wrote something I would like to share – It captured the hopefulness of connecting with others – “Since we’ve been cooped up inside due to the pandemic, my mother and I had a chance to play your game. It was a bit difficult at first because I realized I don’t have many memories–ones worth sharing anyway. There was this one memory though, that I could recall that my mother and I both shared. I was a child, around 7 years old maybe. One of my teachers threw a pool party and my mother and I went. I remember standing on the steps of the pool feeling scared to walk into the water. My favorite teachers daughter, Miriam was standing with me. Miriam was younger than I was, around 5 or 6 years old maybe. She kept saying how she could swim and how easy it is and that she’d show me how. The next thing I knew she was under the water, her head bobbing up and down. I didn’t know what to do. I knew something was wrong though. I remember looking around and seeing all the teachers and parents conversing.
Then I see my mom and another woman behind her jump into the water. My mom got to Miriam just in time. When I think back it felt like she was under for a while. It’s a miracle they saw and that she was ok. When I told my mom about the memory she told me her version and it all seemed to match up except for what I didn’t know. Like the fact that she had her period and was worried the pool would turn pink around her. She also said she couldn’t swim! Although, I’m sure it was only waist deep for her. I’m glad she decided to jump in. I’m proud of her.
I really enjoyed this game and the time spent with my mom. Things these days are strange. It’s scary and unsettling what is happening in the world but I try to stay positive. I try not to watch the news often because I feel like it just induces fear and anxiety and that’s not helpful. Personally, I have enjoyed the time spent at home. My mother has never been off this long in her life or since I could remember and I have enjoyed spending time with her. Even though I’ve probably been inside way too long, I needed a break. Not only was I mentally and emotionally exhausted but physically too. I’m tired of the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This is a good opportunity to connect with family and friends (even if it’s through a screen). We can connect with ourselves, read, catch up on things we were too busy to do before. We can connect with nature by going for walks or sitting outside and observing. We’re all so used to being on auto-pilot. It’s interesting to see how quickly we as humans adapt to change. Maybe this is our chance and a sign from the universe to slow down. I know people are getting sick, some are losing their lives and it’s terrible. Some people live alone and have mental illnesses which are being exacerbated by this; so for them I’m sure it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I’m hopeful things will get better. Nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass. Staying positive (and safe) can help us get through”.
I think this is actually a really fun game to play especially now with everything going on. When this outbreak first started I wasn’t as worried / concerned about it as I am now. As time went on though and seeing people I love and my friends loved ones pass from this awful virus it really makes you put your life into perspective and realize that now is the time to just sit down with your family and reminisce on the past and all the good / fun memories you have. There are somethings from when I was a child that to this day I will always talk about because there are just some events that are just not easily forgotten. However , I find it interesting how other people that were there remember the day completely differently so it is funny to see other people’s perspective on events that took place.
My mother is a thinker and she loves psychology, so when I told her that I was going to check out your blog, she wanted to sit next to me and read some of it with me. Surely enough, this one caught her eye. And yes, we dusted off all of the old board games and found an old deck of cards. We exhausted all of the family activities we would normally do. So, she saw this today, and the first thing she asked me was “do you wanna play?”. We are going to play tonight! We are always arguing at the dinner table about our differences in our memories, so hopefully Memory Lane doesn’t turn into a Family Feud!
Dr. Urban,
After reading this I found that this is true – after Covid – 19 occurred, I found myself always strolling down memory lane. As well as doing activities with family members that I haven’t done in years! It really is a beautiful perspective to look at something so life changing in many bad ways – in a positive light and to use it as a time to be close and appreciate people more.
This game seems like the process I go through when having story time with my family. We always have different accounts for what happened on “that day” usually there is always some type of disagreement for what happened. I find this to be a helpful tool in recalling my past. I usually have a bad memory of most things but making a road map keeps me focused when recalling a past event.