Tag Archives: Love

What It Really Means To Be A Disney Princess

Parenting, Psychology, Relationships, Uncategorized, , , ,

I grew up watching Disney. My sister and I loved waiting for Tinkerbelle to “color” the castle with her wand while we watched it on our black and white television set on Sunday nights. I still watch Disney movies. Yet, more and more I hear “those who know best” say that Disney is something to be loathed or – at the very least –avoided. The distaste of Disney is that their women always need a man to rescue them.

I see it differently, though: I see women who have courage, resolve, sensitivity toward others, leadership skills, commitment to a goal, belief in self, and unending optimism. Personally, these are traits I admire. Professionally, I know these are hallmarks of a healthy personality. With this in mind, let’s take a look at some of the Disney women.

Let’s start with the original Disney princess: Snow White. She is strong because she does not go into a state of depression when she is banished from the castle. Rather, she finds her way in the forest, rallies friends (albeit animal ones), and locates shelter. Because
of her sensitivity toward others, her new friends (the dwarfs) provide her with emotional support. This is very important if one is to
face hardships and models the importance of strong bonds. When the support works, she begins to exhibit her leadership potential. She gets all of the dwarfs to change their behaviors; they change from messy to tidy and from isolated individuals to caring individuals. She positively affects their lives and makes them better people for having known her.

Similarly, Cinderella teaches us resilience and kindness. When faced with issues of unfairness, rejection, subjugation, and apparent hopelessness, she too avoids depression through her optimism and belief in herself. She never gives up her dream of
freedom and realizing her potential. True, in the story her dream involves becoming a princess, but that can be easily translated today into any other profession. The point is: achievement is tied to optimism and self-confidence, traits any woman – or person – would benefit from.

Another self-assured princess is Ariel who strives to be different. She wants to break the mermaid mold and become something else – become human. Her father, her sisters, her friends see that as “crazy”. Yet, she pursues her dream and accepts responsibility for the mistakes she makes along the way. Yes, part of her dream involves being loved by the prince,
but their relationship seems very healthy to me. We must remember she saves him from drowning before he saves her from Ursula.
They seem like equals to me; she does not need him, she wants him. They are both interested in each other’s worlds. A healthy partnership. Because of Ariel’s courage, her commitment to her dream to be different, and her sensitivity to others, she not only achieves her dream of becoming human, she also helps two different worlds (humans and merfolk) to accept their differences and overcome their fears.

Belle is also an excellent role model. She is unashamedly well read, holding a book while she walks through town, talking to the villagers about what she is reading, and sharing her enthusiasm for the knowledge she is gaining. Belle is intelligent; when presented with what seems to be overwhelming problems, she finds creative solutions. She is articulate, able to persuade even a “beast” to accept her point of view. She is unwaveringly optimistic, believing that goodness will always triumph. She is compassionate, loyal, understanding, empathetic, and able to not only see the best in everyone, but to bring forth the best in them. After all, she sees the prince hidden in the beast way before anyone else does; she makes him see it in himself. She allows him to fulfill his full human potential.

Additionally, Jasmine is a heroine that refuses to be bound by the customs of her society. She will not allow her path in life to be chosen by her father or anyone else. She is determined to find her own way. Jasmine does find her own way and, as a result changes the society in which she lives. True, the focus of that change is marital law – by the end of the story, she can marry the man she chooses,
NOT the one chosen for her – but nevertheless, the moral of the story
is bigger than that. Jasmine teaches us that standing up for your beliefs, following your heart, and becoming your own person, pays off in the end.

Disney also reveals strong women that are not princesses. Esméralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, for example, teaches us fortitude and compassion. She is willing to risk her
own life to stand up for her beliefs. She stands up for the Hunchback, someone who is different. Yes, he is a man and he does help to rescue her later, but, she has helped him as well. Like Ariel and Eric, Esmeralda and Quasimodo are equals; they
are friends. Esméralda stands up for her people – the poor and downtrodden – something I wish all children and adults learn to do.

There are countless other Disney women who teach us positive traits. Mulan teaches us that family is worth fighting for and women can achieve anything they set out to do. Pocahontas teaches us the importance of trying to see things from another person’s perspective and that there is some good in everyone. Dory teaches us humor and compassion. Nala teaches us that we can be a force of change in the world and we can influence anyone, even the strongest of rulers.

Many people believe that the Disney princesses only reinforce the idea that girls need to spend their lives by a wishing well, hoping for a prince. But I disagree. I am glad that my mother encouraged my sister and I to watch Disney princess movies. I feel proud knowing the courage and kindness my daughter has now stems, in part, from emulating the courage and kindness of Belle and Jasmine.

I think the Disney Princesses (and other Disney women) send a wonderful, psychologically healthy message for girls – and boys – to grow up with. The princesses encourage us to believe in yourself and your dreams, to have the courage to be different, to allow yourself to love others and be loved, to recognize it is human and healthy to depend on others  and to love them.

 

Love Is Like Rice

Parenting, Psychology, Relationships, Siblings, Sociology, Uncategorized, , , , ,

When it comes time to add a sibling to the family, young children are often concerned if there will be enough love to go around. I have found it helpful to make the answer as concrete as possible.

Concrete thinking is a well-documented characteristic of children. Jean Piaget described how our thinking changes throughout childhood. A child under the age of 6, for example, tends to overlook a transition. They see the beginning and end but not the transition itself. So, if given play dough, and asked to roll it into a ball and then into a sausage, and asked if there is more, less, or the same amount of play dough as a ball or sausage, they will tell you there is more when it is a sausage. They see it as bigger and cannot see that material was not lost or gained in the transition. I understand why children, who have such difficulty with abstract ideas, find this difficult to understand and persist in their worry about whether their parents will love them as much when there is another child.

So, when dealing with a child’s concern of a new baby brother or sister, it is best to respond as concretely as possible. A simple way to do this is to demonstrate the transition from uncooked to cooked rice. I have them hold a cup of uncooked rice in their hands. Then, together, we add it to the pot and add the water. Then we watch it boil and we wait. We keep watching and waiting. Then we uncover the pot and see how much the rice has grown. This is followed by the simple statement: “Love is like that. When we add something, like a new baby brother or sister, it makes the total amount of love grow. Just like the water made the rice grow. There will always be enough love to go around.”

What is even more interesting to me is the idea that, at times, adolescents and adults find this concept difficult too. Middle school and high school students worry that there is not room in the group for everyone; so letting someone in means someone may have to be excluded. First-time parents worry that they will not love each other as much once their child arrives. They worry that a child will take up their time and they will “lose the romance”. Parents worry that they will not love the second child as much as they love the first. These worries reflect a concern that there is only a limited amount of love to go around; that when we have to divide it among more people, each person will get less.

However, that is simply not true. Love is meant to fill the space that is available to it. It fills the spaces and brings us closer to each other. The more people we share our love with, the more love there is to go around.

Love is like the water that makes the rice grow. Be afraid to skimp on your love, not to share it.

If you enjoy my posts, please subscribe using the signup box at the side of the page. Once you sign up, you will receive a confirming email. When you respond to that email, you will get updates on any new items I post.