The Key to Keeping Resolutions

When the clock struck twelve, we entered into the New Year, bright-eyed and eager to pursue our New Year’s resolutions. The first few hours, days, and possibly weeks are filled with absolute determination. We chant to ourselves: We will succeed this time. This year will be different. This is the year I maintain the change.

Sadly, for many of us, the determination to keep our New Year’s resolutions fades. As a result, we become disappointed in ourselves, leading to a belief that our intentions were “hopeless” and we feel we will never accomplish the goal we set. We’re often left feeling like trying is a waste of time and effort.

I believe the reason we become discouraged and, ultimately, give up on our resolutions is because we don’t recognize that “slips” are a part of human nature. Every psychological theory has to deal with that fact. If we can accept the fact that slips happen, then we can pick up and begin again. Our determination can be fueled by the idea that every day is a new day to restart our resolution.

Let’s focus on the “slips” for a bit.

In order to understand how Freudians would understand the slips, we have to understand that for them, our behavior is the result of a battle between our id (our pleasure center), our superego (our conscience), and our ego (the mediator who tries to balance those two extremes). Our ego constantly seeks to make resolutions to please both the id and superego. Our id wants pleasure, so it seeks to eliminate our resolutions; our superego wants to minimize, if not eliminate pleasure, so it is the source of our guilt when we break a resolution. When we break a New Year’s resolution (or any goal), we need to defend our ego; we have to justify why our ego could not maintain a proper balance and protect our ego from the “failure” to control the id and expose us to the criticism of our superego (either our own conscience or the criticism we think we will receive from others).

For Freudians, we use ego defense mechanisms to protect us from feeling too badly about our inability to maintain our willpower and about ourselves. Freudians would likely see these slips as regressions, or returns to earlier behaviors that we exhibited in the past that were appropriate for a different age or time or place. For example, a regression may be that a person handles impulses more like a child than the adult he or she is. Freud had another term, retrogression, to refer to a return to less appropriate behaviors that we ourselves never did in the past, but that we are going to try out now. So, if we eat that cake, rather than having one piece, we just binge on it like a child eating out of the cookie jar. If we break our vow to be patient with our loved ones, rather than just yelling, we have a total temper tantrum and, like a child, feel exhausted afterwards. If we want to succeed with our resolutions, we have to embrace our “id” – our childish pleasure center – and recognize that sometimes we will behave that way. We also have to recognize that the superego – our adult conscience – will chastise us and that, eventually, our ego – the balance between the two extremes – will encourage us to return to our path. It will restore our willpower.

For a Humanist, the cause of our “slip” is the incongruity between our real and ideal selves. If the ideal self is very different from who we are at the moment, then our journey to our ideal self is fraught with concern that while we try to get there, we run the risk of losing those we love. We worry that our loved ones will find out that we are not as great as we want to be and stop loving us because who we are falls so short. So, if we vow to lose weight, and then eat that cookie, we think to ourselves, “I should not have done that”, then feel guilty, and then prepare ourselves for the “fact” that others will think less of us because not only “should” we be thinner, but also more determined to get there. Again, if we break our vow to be patient with our loved ones, not only are we certain that our relationship will fail, but also should fail because we are not worthy of being loved. If we want to succeed, we have to recognize that managing this fear takes a considerable amount of energy—energy that is better placed in keeping our resolution, in maintaining our willpower, than in protecting us from the fear of the loss of love.

For cognitive theorists, the cause of our “slip” is our irrational thoughts. Irrational thoughts are characterized by extremes, such as “always” and “never”, and cause us to exaggerate the potential consequences of our irrational beliefs. So, if we say, “I always give up” or “I never follow through”, then the slip becomes a “fact” about who we are and about our permanent limitations. So, if we eat that cookie, it is not because we felt like having one at the moment, it is because we always give up and we never have any willpower. If we break our vow to be patient, it is because we never have patience, we never stay calm, we always yell. If we want to succeed, we need to learn to avoid those extreme words and concentrate on the moment – we ate a cookie, we yelled – we can do something different/better/more rational in the next challenging moment. We are not rational or irrational; rather, we are often rational and sometimes irrational.

If we are Behaviorists, we see the “slip” as a spontaneous recovery of an extinguished response. That sounds like a mouthful, but it is a simple and elegant explanation of the setbacks we all experience in our resolutions. For Behaviorists, extinction is when we “stop” responding because a reward is withheld (for example, we do not eat the cookie because cookies are not available). The word stop is in quotes because, for Behaviorists, extinguished responses are never really gone – they just appear to be gone because the response drops to a very, very low level that it simply looks like it is gone. Spontaneous recovery tells us that an extinguished response will return – even if a reward is not offered. For example, we can continuously avoid eating cookies; we can stop ourselves from eating them at the holidays, at parties, at restaurants. When we are in our own home and someone we live with eats cookies in front of us, sooner or later, we will not only want cookies, but we will have them. Once we do and we have a doughy reward, it becomes even more difficult to extinguish our response. Similarly, we can continuously avoid yelling; we can hold our tongue at work, at home, with our friends, but eventually, something will trigger our yelling response; it will spontaneously recover. If it results in our getting something we want (our significant other does what we “asked”, for example), then the yelling will continue to increase and make extinction even more difficult for us. If we want to succeed, Behaviorists would tell us to reduce our behaviors, rather than trying to eliminate them entirely. From the outset of our resolution, they would tell us to manage our willpower by allowing ourselves to have a cookie once a week, or admitting to ourselves that we will yell sometimes. This helps to avoid the extinction–spontaneous recovery cycle and helps us to maintain greater control over our behavior.

When we talk about maintaining our changes, maintaining our determination, we need to recognize that willpower is a valuable resource that must be used effectively. It is not something we have or don’t have. Willpower is something we have, we use up, and we need to replenish. Recent studies reveal thatif we use our willpower to avoid that donut for breakfast, or to avoid answering our boss with attitude, or avoid telling a friend what is bothering us because we know that they have enough of their own “stuff” to deal with, then we are using up our daily allotment of willpower. That is why for so many people, the resolutions made or remade are broken toward the end of the day – there simply isn’t enough willpower left. So, it might be helpful to track where we are using it up and how we might be able to reallocate it for more effective use overall.

I, for one, occasionally enjoy a piece of crumb cake or a jelly donut for breakfast.

If you are interested in the topic, you might enjoy reading the following American Psychological Association fact sheets:

Harnessing Willpower to Meet Your Goals http://apa.org/helpcenter/willpower-fact-sheet.aspx

What You Need to Know About Willpower: The Psychological Science of Self Control http://apa.org/helpcenter/willpower.aspx

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38 thoughts on “The Key to Keeping Resolutions

  1. I loved your blog! That was day 7 of my annual January 1st diet. I was starting to get crabby and cranky from all the clean eating. You reminded me its not about perfection but improvement-it’s a journey not a race!! So I had a little dessert and guess what? Nothing horrible happened! I’m still on track with a renewed spirit!

  2. This is awesome!!! I like what you said in paragraph #9 “When we talk about maintaining our changes, maintaining our determination, we need to recognize that willpower is a valuable resource that must be used effectively. It is not something we have or don’t have”. I believe that we have to make a determination of what we want because if we want to accomplish a goal or if we set a new year’s resolution, then we have to be determined to comply that. Sometimes it is not easy to achieve a goal, but it all depends on how serious we take it and how much effort we put in it.

    On the other hand, I like the cognitive theory because of the “ALWAYS and NEVER” Those irrational thoughts are always in us because we look for an excuse when we want something. In the cognitive theory they use a good example which is the cookie, but with me is candy. I love candy and I know that is not healthy, but a lot of times I have some candies, specially chocolates and I eat it not because of having or wanting it, but because of not having that willpower of saying not. Today I bought a package of 6 Apple stick and they were delicious. I did not want to eat more than one, but still I ate 2/1, then I felt guilty because that has too much sugar, so that tells me of giving up. I have to be more determined in what I want because I have to decide for what is more convenient for me.

    If I cake for breakfast, now I will not feel guilty … Well a little bit. I just have to learn to be rational or not rational, but work on the goals that fail.

  3. I really can relate to the Humanist’s point of view on keeping resolutions. My new year’s resolution was to do 10000 steps, drink 2000 ml of water (four regular water bottles), and burn 2000 calories daily. I use a Fitbit which is a fitness device that helps you stay motivated while tracking activity, exercise, weight, and sleep. I was really determined to do my New Year’s resolution everyday till school began on the nineteenth of January. I did not have time to do 10000 steps a day or burn 2000 calories and sometimes fell short. It got me really angry because my ideal self was very hard to accomplish. Even though I did not need to lose weight, I wanted to keep up with a goal and fulfill it. I dealt with this anger by making myself understand that maybe some days will not be consistent and there will be some bumps on the road. I understood that to keep resolutions, maintain willpower and protect myself from the fear of the loss of love by not accomplishing my resolution, I have to be able to manage this fear. You’re correct when you said this fear takes a considerable amount of energy.

  4. From this article, no one can deny the fact that “slips are part of human nature”. Most people go to church on every 31st December to make new year resolutions. some say I will quit smoking, join gym, eat healthy, learn new skills and go to school on time. But almost all of them start giving up and go back to their past before January ends. This happens because most people lack the real power to their lists of resolutions. So I think it is easier to keep one resolution rather than the whole list. moreover, the article, ‘mutual dependence’ clearly argues that we need people to help us with our resolutions because we cannot do everything by ourselves.Finally, we all have ‘will power’ so we have to use it avoid doing things we don’t want to and believe in ourselves.

  5. I enjoyed the comparisons between Freudian, cognitive theorists, humanists and behaviorists. They offer different insight into what the key issues could be. More importantly, they provide windows into areas we don’t typically think of. For example, whenever I fail at something I’ve been trying I think in cognitive theory terms. I tell myself that it’s a cycle, and that I always do this. I would never have thought about the Freudian perspective of regression or the need and ability to replenish willpower. I feel these different perspectives can arm us with the insight and tools we need to overcome our challenges. I myself will be focusing on managing my “id” and replenishing my willpower when it is weak.

  6. Wow after reading your blog I can say that I can relate a little to all theory’s. I always “slip” but I try not to beat myself over it. Although it can be hard at times I always try to remember that no one is perfect. I always start out full throttle and then one day I might not have time to do my normal routine or I might just really want that cookie. I think achieving a goal is all about determination and time management and it can be hard, you just must remember you are human and enjoy life. Don’t get overworked because you had that cookie that a week ago, you promised yourself you wouldn’t have. Did you enjoy it? YES! So move on from it.
    Although I can relate to all theory’s I find myself falling into the cognitive theory the most. I tend to exaggerate and “always” and “never” seem to be words I use a lot. Eventually I realize that I am going overboard with my excuses and come back down to earth but I feel like if I can realize this I’m doing just fine. Now where did I hide those cookies????

  7. This blog really hit close to home for me. My girlfriend as well as I am very guilty at using the should word to compare ourselves as a unit to others based on non factual items such as things seen on Facebook, or society as a whole. For example there are times we both say, we should be in a house right now, we should have more money saved, we should a better trained dog…the list goes on and on. I also think the list is even larger for perfectionist like us who always want to do well at everything. The juggling act and feeling like we are failing in certain aspects but using the should term discredits all of the good we have accomplished and continue to accomplish. When these should arise I will be using the need/want method to give a different perspective that will not make me feel like a failure but more of a driven person i.e.: I need to own a house.. why? Because I want a safe and large area to eventually raise a family (not because I need to feel like I am keeping up with the Jones’s)

  8. I really like what you say about willpower and how we only have so much of it each day and how we need to replenish it. I couldn’t agree with you more because I can be good all day and eat healthy and when I feel the most weakness would be at night when I probably used up all my willpower. This makes so much sense to me and now I know I have to dig a little deeper to stay on course.

  9. So even though I recognize that “slips” are a part of human nature, I still beat myself up for having them. My only resolution this year (as it has been for the past 2 years as well) was to lose weight, and I have yet to succeed. I can totally relate with the Humanist cause of my “slip”. I vow to lose weight, then not work out, then feel guilty, then feel like I “should” be more determined to get there. It’s like a never-ending cycle for me. And because this cycle goes on & on, it wears me out mentally & physically. So no, I am not using my daily allotment of willpower effectively. I really need to work on dispersing it more evenly because by the end of the day I’m exhausted.

  10. Keep new year resolution has also been difficult for me. I also always start out by create a good plan and execute it few a few weeks. Then something always happens and I revert back to my old ways. I think this happens because I lose focus and my priorities change. What I think would work is to have constant reminders to help me stay focus and create small attainable goals.

  11. I relate so much to the humanist version of the “Slip” because I am one who always tries to do something then when i “slip” i get all bent out of shape because i know i shouldn’t have done that. For example when I am on a diet and trying to cut back eating I will play hockey at night and tell myself you will not eat when you get home. Whats the first thing i do ? Open the refrigerator and see whats in there to eat i obviously have zero self control , “Slip” and huff down some food or ice cream or cookies. Then I am in the shower saying to myself . Why did i do that? etc. So i can relate to that but also I am one who will say I just burn it off tomorrow at the gym or i wont eat breakfast tomorrow. That is the humanist in me.

  12. I truly enjoyed this article as I can totally relate to it. I have always wondered why I feel guilty when I do not achieve a goal I set for myself. I need to understand that “slips” are normal and I should not feel guilty, I should just continue to reach my goals. This article also helped me to understand why I always want to start a diet on Mondays as opposed to any other day of the week. I guess that’s my ego trying to find balance between my “id” which is telling me that “dieting is boring” and my superego telling me “you need to make healthier food choices”.

  13. I love your blogs and the amount of thought that you put in them. I am guilty of not sticking to my New Year’s Resolution every…single….year… I always swear that it’s a new year, new me and here it is, July and I think I’ve restarted my year and resolution about 45 times at this point. I love the way you broke down why we think the way we do from various perspectives because it allows us to see which one may apply to us and use it to try and turn the situation around. I know it’s not too late and if we don’t succeed one day, we should pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again, but sometimes it’s so much easier said than done.

    Reading this gave me hope that I can do it and you reminded me that I’m only human and I will fall off track. I just need to remember that these things will happen and it doesn’t mean I’ve failed. Hopefully I will still feel this way and remember this the next time I’m watching TV and I reach for the Oreos!!

  14. I enjoyed reading this blog! As for new year resolutions, I never make them anymore because I don’t want to pressure myself with anything. I just like to do what I need to do and if I have a setback, it will be ok. Slips are a part of life and it’s how we bounce back is what counts. I find myself having slips after I see results from weight loss. If I lost 5 pounds, I say to myself I can have some ice cream tonight lol. It’s like I’m fooling myself to get the junk food in at times. The willpower comments are so right. You give it all you got at times and then you just feel worn down after a while and you just give in. I am going to think about willpower differently now. Thanks

  15. I think reading the key to keeping resolutions was great. I am terrible person when it comes to my resolutions. I have quit smoking numerous times, joined more gyms to either loose weight or gain muscle. It’s more of a rational way of thinking. If you do not feel guilty about not keeping your resolution then you have a better shot at starting over or just picking up where you left off. I think everyone who works out starts off with that guilt, and to me thats ok; it made you start doing something. If you continue to feel guilty or feel like you failed at something will make you less likely to try something else.

  16. I completely loved reading this specific blog. All of the theories give the different perspectives on why we don’t maintain our New Year’s resolutions, but being put together is completely relatable. As I was reading I was looking back at all of the New Year’s resolutions I have never completed and I was trying to decide from what theory I see myself from. But what is really interesting is that all of the theories put together is what I have thought of myself every time. I love how all the theories connect that, you have to see all perspectives to really understand. The theories complement each other. I see that every time I had a “slip” I thought to myself, whether it was with going to the gym or eating healthier, “you know what I’ll just give up now” or “I always find a way to screw up, so what’s the point”.

    Reading this blog made me realize that to be healthy and to fulfill my resolutions I can’t just stop doing certain behaviors but minimize them. I realized that its not the end of the world, I just have to try again. It also helped me realize that I can make mistakes but that I shouldn’t beat myself up for having a “slip”, that I am human and its okay to make mistakes. I loved how you said, “That is why for so many people, the resolutions made or remade are broken toward the end of the day – there simply isn’t enough willpower left. So, it might be helpful to track where we are using it up and how we might be able to reallocate it for more effective use overall”. All of us do have the willpower we just have to replenish it and replace where it is being applied.

  17. This is a very relatable post because I don’t follow through on my resolutions. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even make them anymore because I won’t follow through. After reading this post I realize that I might not even want to because my “id” is mostly in control. I rather do what I want than do what is probably more beneficial for me in fear of losing pleasure. I wanted to start working out but, never got into it because I was only focused the negatives. I didn’t want change my eating habits, sleep habits, or go to the gym just because it wasn’t what I normally did. From a behavorists perspective I was eager for the reward of working out but not willing to wait so long for it. I didn’t make a resolution this year but I hope to make it to the gym summer.

  18. I just want to start off by saying how insightful and relevant this post was! I admittedly have fallen victim to slip-ups in the past before but, only now accept that its human nature to do so. Sure, it would be negative to constantly back out of plans and other desires but, things like getting into shape shouldn’t dominate one’s life. A rational way of thinking would be to ease into the new activity and make it into a habit, rather than forcing it until its exhausting.

    I’m grateful for you in-depth yet still to the point comparison between the theories of cognition and humanism. In all honesty, I remain unsure of which theory I lean towards more but, I intend to employ them, as best as I can when the appropriate situation arises

  19. I absolutely loved reading this post. It is relatable, yes, but the way in which you described, with clear examples, how different types of theorists analyze “slips” and peoples responses to their “slips,” made it that much more personal. Each perspective emphasizes the different ways in which one goes through the human experience; it is almost never the same for every single person.

    At first glance, I would have easily said that I have a humanistic perspective when it comes to what I feel is the cause of most peoples slips, but also, it is not the same for everyone. For myself, last semester when I took my first honors course, I was terrified that I wasn’t adequate enough to handle the class. I took the class after having to prove to many people in my life that I could get good grades, that I was capable enough to handle an honors course. Besides the fact that I wasn’t sure if I could handle it, I was more worried about other people finding out I couldn’t, like they would think I was a fraud; someone who pretended to be more than what they actually are. The class turned out to be completely manageable, but I struggled with it mainly because I had already painted this picture in my head of how I wanted it to go and who I wanted to be, and if I fell short of my idealized self, others would know. This is where I think the humanistic perspective and the cognitive perspective alternate for some people, in relation to their “slips.”

    Immediately after I read the cognitive perspective I knew I related to it more than any of the others. My “slips” start out in the humanistic perspective, and then the fear of falling short of your idealized self and having close ones find out ignites this constant questioning of yourself and for myself, became paralyzing. When I have a “slip” and my real and ideal self are not harmonious, I become paralyzed with irrational thoughts. If I started to mess up in my class, and then felt like I’d fallen short of my idealized self, then I’d get past the point of caring if other people found out, because why would it have mattered? “Of course I was going to mess up one way or another, nobody should be surprised.” I would sell myself short because it was easier than trying, because trying meant that failure could be a potential outcome, so why risk it to begin with; it was easier to label myself with a bunch of negative words

    When I think of the cognitive theorists reasons for our “slips,” I think of someone being their own worst enemy. For myself, my slips would always become facts about me; it was easier to believe that I was whoever my irrational thoughts made me out to be, then to try to defend myself. I’m so happy you mentioned this perspective, because I feel it is extremely normalized to be your own worst enemy in todays society, and that isn’t the case. Its been healthy for myself to read this because it was a reminder that just because I acted a certain way today doesn’t mean I will tomorrow and that I shouldn’t be so quick to allow my slips to define who I think I am.

  20. This article has been very insightful into how all the different psychological theories give their own take on the “slips” that we have on our day to day lives in general – not just resolutions (at least the way I see it)

    It also fascinates me because of how some theories appeal/help someone more than the rest. They are kinda like literal items; you pick and choose to see which works best for you. For example; if someone holds extreme irrational thoughts of doubt and pessimism they might cognitive theory more helpful. Or maybe if someone is self conscious about themselves and the way their actions affect the relationship between themselves and others negatively, humanist theory may provide some great insight. After all, if you don’t like the item (theory) you can always try another.

    It drives me nuts to see how easily someone can easily switch between theories (in a good way) because to me it shows that these aren’t your run of the mill theories – and by that I mean it becomes a theory for a week to be proven wrong, ‘taken down’ and forgotten not long after. These are theories that have held their own; you see them all over the place, everyone talks about them, and they have been around for a very long time.

    And with such a universal conflict people have with keeping resolutions it’s good to see that there isn’t just one explanation that is tackling the issue. After reading the article I see willpower as fuel, you only have and can recover so much. I do agree we must keep track of the way we use it. Because in the end this will only help us better understand the way we function and how unique everyone is in the way they use that fuel to become a better individual.

    So it’s not a bad idea to put in a little bit of fuel into each item to see which one runs the furthest.

  21. Reading the key to keeping resolutions was really good, I really have a hard time keeping my resolutions. I have quit smoking so many times I cant count anymore. I joined more gyms to either loose weight or gain muscle. It’s more of a rational way of thinking. If you do not feel guilty about not keeping your resolution then you have a better shot at starting over or just picking up where you left off. I think as long as something is there to want to make you start doing something about resolutions. If you continue to feel guilty or feel like you failed at something will make you less likely to try something else.

  22. I am guilty of having one too many slips especially when it comes to resolutions. At least 2 to 3 times per year I make a new resolution and goal to accomplish and for some reason I can never fully succeed 100%. I think it may be because I’m never fully dedicated to it or something happens and I fall off track and I make excuses to justify it. I do agree that will our willpower needs to evenly dispersed throughout our daily life. Recently I have been sticking to my newest goal and I hope I can continue. Someone once told me sometimes you cant wait for the motivation to come, because it never really is. You just have to DO IT!

  23. I Enjoyed reading this blog because it has to do with a topic that I have had experience with in the recent past and it continues to resurface today. Willpower is a valuable commodity to utilize and have, and we are not always the best at using it when we should. In 2012 I decided that I was no longer going to accept that I was overweight and that I was actively going to do something about. I was 240 pounds and I wanted to lose the weight for myself, but I chose my focus to be losing weight for my children who were then 5 and 1 years old. My willpower and focus kept me on point for years. I began my weight loss journey in 2012 and in 2017 I was happily sustaining my new weight of 165 pounds. I went to the gym three times a week and I made the right choices for snacks and at meal time. I felt as though I found my happy place, I did it.
    The compliments from family and friends on my sustained weight loss were always nice to hear during my journey, but I wasn’t content with where I was so my drive kept up. It wasn’t until I was content with my progress that my willpower became shaky. My contentment chipped away at my willpower in the form of, “I should have what I want for dessert. I’ll just spend more time at the gym tomorrow.” These concessions, as innocent as they seem, added up. School, which never was a deterrent from the gym, began to be the reason that I wasn’t going as often. “I should go to the gym, but I have all this home work to do for class. I will go to the gym tomorrow.” I saw myself gaining weight slowly it seemed as if my willpower was exhausted and I was slipping backwards. Internally I beat myself up with the guilt from my super ego for my regression. However, externally my friends and family assured me that it was OK to break my diet.
    Some of my family and friends would also comment, “You looked to thin anyway, you should eat more.” My conflict was my internal feelings and external input from my support system. This conflict would surface when my guilt got too great and I lashed out at my wife who was urging me to take a break from trying to go to the gym. I should not have yelled at her, I should have explained my conflict to her. My weight gain hit its apex at 190 pounds in the beginning of 2018 and that is when I reassessed my needs and focus. I began to look at things differently. A strict regimented diet got me this far, but I needed to change and adapt it so that it was sustainable long term.
    Instead of, “I should have what I want for dessert, I’ll just spend more time in the gym” I looked at it through the lens of, “I will have something good, but a smart choice for dessert.” I transformed the, “I should go to the gym, but I have all this classwork. I will go tomorrow” to organizing my schedule in a way that had room for both classwork and gym time to coexist. I changed the, “I should not have yelled” to being more open about how I was feeling about all things, not just weight related, to my wife. This added transparency has improved our relationship because it removes the, “She should know that . . . “accusation from the dialogue. Now she knows and I know because we told each other. The most important reflection transformation that I observed, to date, is that being happy with your weight or appearance has nothing to do with a number, it is all about your own personal perception of yourself. Learning to be happy in your own skin is more important than reaching a numerical weight goal. I changed, “I should be 165 pounds” into “I should be happy with who I am.”

  24. I feel that I am more of the cognitive theorist belief, whereas I tend to slip often and not follow through with what I set out to do that morning. The irrational thoughts are caused by extremes causing me to give up or say I always give up, or I never follow through. I feel defeated from time to time when I set out to try and eat better and set a goal to lose a few pounds, but then see myself eating something that I should not be eating and then giving up on my original goal.
    I do tend to also go along with the Freudians where we have a battle between our id and our superego, our pleasure center, and our conscience. So, if we vow to lose weight, and then eat that cookie, we think to ourselves, “I should not have done that”, then feel guilty, and then prepare ourselves for the “fact” that others will think less of us because not only “should” we be thinner, but also more determined to get there. As a Freudian, I may use the ego defense mechanisms to protect myself from feeling too badly about my inability to maintain my willpower.

  25. I completely related to this blog; I find so many times, not just at the New Year, I make a commitment to do something and then am unable to keep it. For me, its not usually a commitment towards someone else that I break, it’s the commitments that I make to change a habit that usually falter. I always start off strong, but then it just becomes easier to justify to myself why it was an unrealistic expectation to put on myself. Having said that, I think I most relate to the Freudian explanation for why I have difficulty keeping the resolutions. My id most definitely takes over, and then my ego most definitely defends why. I am curious to see, if now that I have this awareness, if it will force a change in the way I behave.

  26. I really enjoyed this blog. For the past 20 years I’ve made the same resolutions year after year. Always wanting a fresh start. Determined to make positive changes in my life. I have a renewed focus on my health. Setting goals to lose weight, eat healthier and establish an exercise routine. I always partner my health with finding ways to lead a well-balanced life. As a working mom I find myself out of balance juggling my constant responsibilities to my family, work and personal life. There is never enough time to do it all.
    I can relate to the Freudians; I set my resolutions with the best intentions and then realize that they are highly restrictive and unsustainable. Then my ego defense mechanism kicks in and I stops me from feeling bad about my inability to maintain my willpower.

  27. I can definitely relate to this blog posting. I think that for New Year’s resolutions in particular, we attempt to change well established behaviors in an abrupt manner while relying on willpower to succeed. Each theory offers a different view on the psychological aspects at play, but I prefer the behaviorists angle on this topic. I think that for New Year’s resolutions, many people are able to use willpower to resist temptation for a while, but once the slip occurs the resolution is “broken” and it becomes easy to fall back into old behaviors. I think that by setting goals to regulate behaviors rather than abruptly eliminating them helps us to manage our willpower, and setbacks will be less devastating.

    I think that another challenge that people have with resolutions is not taking the time to clearly define them. Using “SMART” goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, with a Timeframe) can help provide a strategy and a foundation to follow while we work towards making the changes. If we do slip, we can always fall back on the plan that we established in the beginning.

  28. This was a great post, thank you for your incites! This is 100% accurate, we set a goal for ourselves, and once we make a mistake, we give up. Resolutions need to be thought of just like we have good days, and we have bad days. We cannot expect ourselves to be perfect all the time. Just like you noted, willpower needs to be replenished and we need to give ourselves a break to get that replenishment. We don’t wake up and say I am going to break my resolution today, it is not intentional, therefore the reference to Freudian slip.
    What we need to focus on is how to help ourselves recover or replenish so we don’t slip. If my resolution is going to the gym three times a week, what do I need to change in my day to day to help me achieve this goal? I can set rest days, to help my body recover, I can have dinner prepared the night before so I am free for the gym on a particular day. When we create our resolutions, we also need to create plans on how we are going help ourselves achieve those resolutions. And when we do “slip”, dust yourself off and start again.

  29. After reading the Article “The Key to Keeping Resolutions” helped me realize the human factors of keeping a New Year’s resolution. Most people set goals at the new year and quick after one set back at trying to achieve that goal. Maybe it’s not a goal they really want deep down?. The article explains failure from a Freudian concept, that’s its all a battle between our egos. ID (pleasure and immediate gratification) super ego (conscious) and ego (the balance). When people people give up for a pleasure the ID is what Freudians blame. We need to understand when setting New Year’s resolution that life is a battle of setbacks. It’s not as black and white as you would like to think. Personally for me I try to keep my goals going all year around. If I want to set a new goal for the year I try to just make it happen and not plan it around new years, and if there’s a set back learn from it and not give up.

  30. When we break a resolution, goal, or promise such as; starting a gym regimen on New Year’s Day, we feel the need to defend the reason behind it. This would be us trying to satisfy our ego by justifying the reasons behind breaking the resolution, goal, or promise. If we can think of reasons why we could not protect our ego from what we consider failure to control our id, we could then satisfy our super ego.

    Embracing our id and understanding that throughout our lives, there are times we are going to fall short of resolutions, goals or promises and our super ego will chastise, criticize, or scold us. Eventually though, our ego which is the mediator between the id and supper ego will allow us to get back on track. This information is helpful regarding my personal life, because I have several goals I wish to achieve, and I now understand what it is that puts me back on track when I fall off.

  31. Reading this article truly opened my eyes to why the human factor fails to accomplish its New Year resolutions. Most of us set goals or resolutions for things we want to accomplish like losing weight, reading more, or even going to college and we are very determined in the first weeks. The problem is that we fail to understand that as humans there will be “slips”, setbacks or we will make a mistake that will make us feel like failures. The point of view that fascinated me the most was the behaviorist view, yes we will “slip” doesn’t mean we failed our resolution, humans will experience step backs during a resolution and that’s normal. Also, it explains in the example of a cookie that if you love cookies and always have someone talking, asking, or even eating cookies you will eventually eat a cookie. Lastly, behaviorism teaches us that if we want to succeed, it is best for us to reduce our Behavior, rather than eliminate them entirely. From the outset of this resolution, they would advise us to manage our willpower by allowing ourselves to have a cookie once a week. This article really changed my way of thinking about New Year’s resolutions, Thank you for your wisdom.

  32. I think this article is very interesting because I am one of the many people who struggles to keep their new years resolution. I’ve always wondered what if I kept all of my resolutions? I wouldn’t have to pick “go to the gym and get in better shape” every year for starters. I think new years resolutions are such great things for people mentally when they start because they provide hope and excitement. unfortunately they often times quickly turns into disappointment. I really liked
    “If we can accept the fact that slips happen, then we can pick up and begin again. Our determination can be fueled by the idea that every day is a new day to restart our resolution.”
    Everyday is a good day to start a “new years resolution”. why wait for January first every year? another takeaway I got from this is to stop using absolutes like “always” and “never”. This is mentally draining to yourself and as written in the article, turns this into fact in your brain.

  33. I really enjoyed this blog it was very informative. As someone who has time after time been very hard on myself for “slipping” when it comes to personal goals, I believe that your theory that will power is a limited resource that should be tracked can certainly improve my likelihood of success in reaching goals in the future. this year I have personally committed to going to the gym to become healthier and improve my overall happiness. While I am happy to say that I have stayed committed to this goal so far, it gives me hope that by understanding I can continue to maintain my path towards accomplishing my goal by balancing my wants and my needs effectively.
    For me the humanist slip is the hardest to overcome. Since I place so much pressure on myself to achieve my goal and ask my friends and family to hold me accountable to staying with it, I certainly waste a good amount of energy on worrying about failing. In turn I often overdo it and waste even more energy making it more difficult to meet my goals. This blog has changed the way I think about slips and how I will react to the in the future as you said “slips” are a part of human nature”.

  34. I really enjoyed reading this blog post. As someone who has set many resolutions, and failed at keeping that commitment, this hits close to home. I find that I am very hard on myself when it comes to “slipping” and often times this discourages me from moving forward. Instead of understanding that this is in fact human nature, and continuing what i started, i begin to get discouraged and often times stop all together.
    Putting high expectations on myself can be a good thing but also cause me to suffer, I tend to try to out do myself, especially early on when I set a goal, and have a hard time maintaining that level of commitment long term. After reading this blog I will change the way I view my shortcomings in regards to setting and keeping resolutions.

  35. When it comes to setting goals, setting out to reach them, and either succeeding or “slipping” it all comes down to your inner mindset and psych going into the situation. I think it is extremely difficult to reach every goal you set out to make, or sticking to a resolution. But it is baby steps and a slow process if you want to be successful in the end. When it comes to goals it is about the journey, not always the destination. You are always going to have set backs and fail, there are going to be road blocks and tough times, but the way there teaches you more and more about yourself and that is the way it needs to be looked at. You can’t think about what other people or loved ones think when it comes to yourself and your goals. You need to focus on yourself and see what you can do better to fix it, or how you can navigate through the next obstacle. When you do that for yourself the people around you who really love you will notice that and be proud of the human you are.
    When it comes to my personal goals I like to set one at a time, achieve that goal and then on to the next one. Goals can be very difficult, set backs happen, but like I said earlier I get to know more and more about myself as I go through the process. Being able to become one with yourself and enjoy who you are helps you reach that goal that you want to hit. Once the confidence and belief start coming at a natural pace those goals become easier and easier to reach.

  36. I really found this blog post very interesting. It discusses the psychology behind human nature and how we often set lofty goals which we strive to achieve but often times we falter and rather than get back up and restart our journey, we give up and tell ourselves we have failed. and as humans we often take these moments and tell ourselves we are failures and will never accomplish any goals we set for ourselves. I often fall into this trap, I set lofty goals and for a couple of weeks I will stay on track and in my mind I tell myself: this is too hard and I should just give up. Many times, this trap we set for ourselves leads to regressing behavior. After reading this blog post I believe setting one goal and seeing it through to the end before setting another may be the best approach to not fall into these slip ups where we get discouraged.

  37. The key to keeping resolutions is a great article, it helps you see that we are humans, we are far from perfect, and that we can’t just judge ourselves on if we pass or fail at a single task, but how we complete the entire objective. When the “slips” were explained it is something that every person does, they had a great example of your resolution, but these slips happen constantly. If we have a home improvement project that we are trying to complete, we come across a problem like the studs behind the walls were rotted away from water damage, we can’t just say oh well, we can’t do anything about what we have found. We will have to regroup, step back, look at the new objective and figure out on how we are going to complete the new project that can get our original task back on target. This happens very often in life, I have been seeing it a lot more frequent, where we must strategically think about our next steps. I was helping my neighbor put in a new hot water tank, we put it in a different spot in his basement so he could have more room, so when we finished and turned it on, the flue pipe was not drafting the exhaust gases properly, so we had to figure out a solution, because you can’t have those gasses filling up the house and he needed the hot water. We tried moving the flue pipe changing the pitch, but none of it was working, it didn’t have the correct pitch for the gasses, and we could not obtain the proper pitch in the new location. So, we had to move it back to its original spot, which for him defeated the purpose of gaining more space in the basement but he needed it there for the hot water tank to work properly. It is just showing you that you are always having to adjust your plans and even the best laid out plans sometimes don’t work out. You need to readjust not give up and work through the issue.

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